At the beginning of every year I like to take time to hear what is on God’s heart for the upcoming year. This year I didn’t hear a whole lot of specifics but one phrase that kept flashing in my mind like a bright neon light was, “Year of YES.”
With this new mantra drumming in mind I started saying, “yes” to almost everything that came my way. Well, I quickly learned that saying “yes” actually meant that I also had to learn how to say, “no.” By me saying, “no,” I realized I was able to give more of an effective yes. This was definitely a game changer because now when I said, “yes,” I knew that I was all in. I was more intentional in my thought processes of what was best for me and if I really wanted to do whatever was being proposed. No offense to anyone that knows me personally, but there were times I said, “no,” simply because I just wasn’t feeling it. But I will say the reward of saying, “no” usually far outweighed, or even canceled out, any guilt that would rise up for not saying “yes” to the activity or thing being offered.
Having this year be a “year of yes” has been more than I could have ever imagined. I know that it has pushed me to do things I would have naturally just said no to due to fear of failure (see last post). Having overcome severe anxiety and panic, I realized that there are so many things I have had to relearn. I had been robbed of all the previous joys of life and this was the year that I was beginning to gain momentum to get back all that had been stolen from me and MORE! A simple walk in the park has now become a relearned joy. A fun road trip, that a friend and I made to our friend’s lake house, is another relearned enjoyment. You see, this was the first time being the driver for a road trip in YEARS!!! Y’all this was monumental!! I also was on a boat for about 5 hours with no issues at all! I even drove a jet ski for the first time! I would have never been able to do all of this even a year ago, BUT GOD!
This summer has been filled with oodles of fun and exploring. I am still working on relearning some things, but God has given me the grace to continue to move forward in bold confidence.
Which brings us to August 8, 2018. Actually, we need to travel back a few weeks so I can set this up a bit better. I was talking with our worship pastor, who I already knew was planning on leaving from our church, and he pops the question to me, “Hey, would you ever consider or have you thought about being the worship pastor here?” Now, when he said this I can assure you that a thousand thoughts flooded my mind all at once! I had thought of doing something like this YEARS ago, but any desires or dreams I had were stuffed so far down I wasn’t even sure I knew what my true dreams and desires were anymore. So I was rather shocked when I didn’t automatically give a resounding, “NO,” as my knee jerk reaction. Instead I felt this tinge of life prodding me like a fire stick stokes a gentle fire. I looked at him pensively and told him I definitely needed time to process and pray about all we had discussed and if this is a direction I wanted to go.
I had no idea what an extensive process this would be! I had every emotion you could possibly think of the whole week after we talked. I had questions galore about all that this would mean and what it would entail. I also had people, that had no idea about the decision process I was walking through, unknowingly speak prophetically into the situation. Confirmations on what I should do kept coming in the most unlikely places.
I could feel my heart leaning more and more toward saying, “yes,” but was beginning to grasp the fact that if I did say, “yes,” that would mean I would be giving up the comforts of a job that I have had for 14 years. This is a job that I know very well, enjoyed and was very good at. I would have to leave friends that I have worked with for many years, which was probably going to be one of the toughest parts because they had become like family.
After a couple of interviews, the more I pondered, prayed, weighed out all my options and had several meetings with my mentor, I made the decision to move forward into this new adventure. This has been one of the biggest life decisions I have made since I changed churches in my early twenties! AHHHHH!!!! I was scared, excited, nervous and let’s just be honest….freaking out a bit!! What in the heck did I just say, “yes” to?!?!? The task ahead of me is so much bigger than me and it put a holy fear of God inside me.
The fact that God would choose to use me in this capacity is extremely humbling. I had to take ALL of my weaknesses and places I feel inadequate to accomplish this task and lay them at Papa God’s feet. I can guarantee that there are PLENTY of others that are more talented and skilled than I am that could have done this job. But there was this underlying surety, and God confidence, that came from somewhere deep within me that I knew, my obedience to God would provide the grace to consistently lean on My Beloved while He equipped me and makes ALL things possible. I was also hanging on to something my spiritual dad told me (that his spiritual dad told him), “I may not be the smartest, I may not be the most talented, but if God has called me to do this, then I am the best one for the job.”
So here I am, willing to jump on the bus for this wild and crazy adventure as the new Worship Pastor at our church!! (Still feels so surreal!!) As I said my bittersweet “see you laters” to my friends and co-workers I was given this awesome pillow (see below) that was yet another confirmation I was on the right path.
God has a creative way of helping us get out of our little secure nest we affectionately call our comfort zone. I have always hailed myself as the “Comfort Zone Queen,” but I am quickly learning that isn’t my Kingdom (God) identity! I was born for wild adventures and to embrace change! I was born to do hard things that establish and reinforce my Kingdom identity and advance the Kingdom of God! I was born for ….such a time as this!
I am so thankful I gave God my, “YES!!!”
• Give God your, “YES,” and watch Him do more than you could ask or imagine, not only in you but in others!!
Have a splendid day!